December 1, 2005
as seen in "The Dinner Diva" syndicated column
by Leanne Ely

When FlyLady and I were speaking at Fort Campbell, Ky., a few months ago, a Flybaby asked me a question about dessert. Now that the holidays are upon us, I thought her question might help some other mothers.

Her concern was about a child's lack of eating dinner and whether or not dessert was appropriate. The child who wouldn't eat dinner would gladly eat dessert and was a little underweight. Her other child was a little overweight and would eat both dinner and dessert.

When I asked this lady how often she served dessert, she said every night.

Now to me, the issue is less of one having to do with a child who has a weight problem versus a child who doesn't. To me the issue is dessert every night. This just shouldn't be.

In order for a treat to be a treat, it needs to be infrequent enough to be special. Let me explain — let's say Christmas came once a month. Would it be special anymore? Or just a monthly occurrence? Would the specialness of the whole holiday be lost because it happened all the time?

That's how desserts should be. We all associate pumpkin pie with Thanksgiving, right? Well, if you ate pumpkin pie everyday, it wouldn't be Thanksgivingy anymore, would it? That special quality of dessert is that it's a TREAT — something that you splurge on, something that has candles in it (like a birthday cake) or perhaps has some holiday symbolism attached (like the pumpkin pie I just mentioned).

Reserving something for a special occasion is something we all understand. We do it all the time. The deal is we need to understand how and why something should be done only occasionally.

It's like getting dressed. In order to put on the right clothes, you need to know what you're dressing for. You wouldn't wear a cocktail dress and heels to a PTA meeting any more than you would wear sweats to a black tie affair. We all understand the appropriateness (and inappropriateness) of how to dress and how not to dress for certain occasions. I know I have called the host more than once to ask about the dress code if I have been unsure about what to wear to something I was invited to. We do that because we want to be suitable and fit in.

Dessert is the same type of thing! It needs to be suitable (a treat; not an ending to every meal) and fit in (pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving and birthday cake for birthdays, for example).

Once again, it's all about balance and perspective. This is what keeps us on an even keel and helps us to achieve or maintain peace. And let's face it — you can't have your cake and eat it, too. There has to be that balance.

Desserts spelled backwards spells stressed. Need I say more?